Stag Ding Dang Do's!




Budapest: Thu 30th Nov 2006 - Sun 3rd Dec 2007

"G'day darlings" my name's Everage - Dame Dougal Edna Beverage!

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Boy was the dog's stag do messy! Drinking for nearly three weeks before my stag do, I was sent down a hazy adventure in the coldest depths of Eastern bloc life - Budapest in Hungary. Supremly organised by big bro Dave, we all knew we were in for a ride of our lives and it all started in the mini-bus from Budapest airport, unbelievable! Well, I'm not sure where to begin. In fact I won't, hee hee. What you can do is check out the photos from the trip. Big bro also upload some photos so check 'em out! Sorry if they offend you but hey blame my brothers and stagmites for this! If the pictures ignite your inquisitive mind and require more info on what happened, well, tough luck! Also below are my historical write ups on the stagmite participants which I wrote in November 2006 and during the organisation of the stagmite party! Organising the flight proved to be the hardest part! Unfortunately easyJet's cancellation made it a financial impossibility for six stagmites so they had to pull out at the last minute but there were 12 brave lads who did and their bank manager's are screaming! But more to the point due to easyJet's not so easy helpdesk, middle bro Jim Jam spent many hours (yeh honestly!) getting back our refunds! Thanks again mate, much appreciated.

Well here we go, you've found it; details of the stag do. Through careful thought, time and planning The Guppy brothers have come up with the perfect Eastern European destination; Budapest, Hungary. As tradition goes middle bro Jim Jim (best man) kick started the stag trend and hit the historical city of Parague back in 2000, whilst eldest bro Bugsy (Usher one of four) hit the mystical town of Riga in Latvia. Both were trips to remember so lets seal the third with a bang!

Firstly, the following dates have now been decided upon:

Fly out from Luton airport with easyJet on Thursday 30th Nov at 16:35 arriving at 20:00. Return Sunday 3rd Dec at 11.00 arriving 12.35.

I'll be flying back to Australia that same day from Gatwick (or Heathrow, can't remember) so I'll be saying my farewells at Luton airport and certainly won't be looking forward to the 23 hour flight home! Anyway lets get down to real business and introduce you all to the "stagmites" enduring our Budapest campaign! In knickname alphabetical order, I'll give you a brief synopsis on each... but lets start with the three Guppy Amigos!


The Three Guppy Amigos:
Manchester: my 21st Belfast: Jon's pre-wedding stag do Lvpos: Dave's 30 : My 24th
The first picture was taken at my 21st Birthday in Manchester, all looking pretty fresh faced.. On the left is big bro Dave aka Bugsy. He has taken on the role of organising the stag do and have full confidence this man will lead us to places no man or beast has dared go before! Middle man is obviously me. The man on the right is Jim Jam, the giraffe of the family. With best man duties he'll be in fine form for this stag weekend but nearer the wedding day he'll be a bundle of nerves carrying plenty of toilet paper! The second photo was taken at Bugsy's 30th Birthday in Lvpos, London and the third in The Crown pub, Belfast, celebrating Jim Jams last day of freedom over a pint of Guinness!....Anyway I won't go into detail about us so lets delve into the stagmites!

A&E Stag Name: A&E
Real Name: Dave Walker

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Ask this man to ask a Brazillian what they like, he would ask, "do you like football?". Legend. This lad has been solid up front, solid in midfield and solid in defence. He's just well and truly solid. Being the other half of Brindha and both lady V's friends from Kings College university, the first time I met Dave was in the early hours of the morning in Tooting Broadway, giving statements to the police! He's what you call A WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get). He's been a great drinking companion through the London days of dating and going out with lady V. Since arriving on the London scene he's taken me on in his true northern stride and turned a blind eye to my immaturities (I have plenty of those). We've been battered in and around London together aswell as being battered, literally (sorry Dave my fault!) but honored A&E will be joining us in Budapest.

Delbert Stag Name: Delbert
Real Name: Tim Wilkins

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Ask this man what he wants to drink, it's CIDER all the way! I hate the stuff but someones gotta drink it! Part of the MediaTel 99 gang he was the original founder, along with myself and King Ralph but the only difference is he's still there and going strong! We had 5 years working our a*ses off (at Glasshouse Stores) at this young, dynamic, vibrant company based on Regents Street ,in the west end of London. Terrorising the bars in Soho we took drinking after work to the next level. Cider being twice the strength of beer he matches anyone. Incredible. His eyes may roll to the back of his head and the Bee Gee moves may come out but we know he'll be there till the bitter end albeit passed out and covered in make up, ha ha! His love for guitar strumming was professionally passed down to myself and KR. We regularly strummed the night away but only after we'd been out on the beers, all afternoon, but thanks to his introduction to playing Wonderwall, this tune is now globally hated, ha ha!

Dieder Stag Name: Dieder
Real Name: Henning Diederichs

Flight Rqd?: Last minute drop out!

Ask this man for a Bratwurst and he'll douse it in Angosturas Bitters and Gewurz ketchup, wunderba! With German guns a blazzin I was introduced to Dieder through Duster when I was living in Chelmsford with Ginger. He's one in a million. Waving jumpers in the air p*ssing everyone off on the dance floor is his speciality, but has mastered drinking himself into oblivion before he's goes out down to an art. He covers everything in Gewurz sauce and has still been spotted skate boarding to work with a gin in his hand! After terrorising the girls in Chelmsford we both took the leap to live in London and moved to Balham. It was here where I met the hidden jewell, lady V. What was meant to be a bachelor move for Dieder and I, was short lived for me, but Dieder flew the flag high for a good year! Anyway relieved you're now on board, it just wouldn't have been the same..

Dougs-man! Stag Name: Dougs-man (Said in a Manc accent)
Real Name: Kofi Acquah

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Ask this man for a dance and he'll be the talk of the floor. Girls just love his crisp moves but I always "brake" up the interest! The words "Dougs-man" resonate so clearly at the end of his Birthday night on the bus back from Piccadilly 21's nightclub in Manchester. "I smoke bare weed" I bellow out to some scally Mancs asking what I smoked for a living (standard question in Manchester by the way...)... This lad knows how to party! We both met through our ex-girlfirends and boy are we glad they are ex's now, ha ha! It was only the latter end of uni when our ex-girlfrends left uni and we hit it off. Since then we've always been in proximity taking the nightlife by absolute storm. We've had the pleasure of being out in each others local towns and not sure which area is worse! Anyway with regular lunches at the Glasshouse and drinking at The Langley in London there's NEVER a dull moment when we're in town! Top man, top banana!

Duster Stag Name: Duster
Real Name: Jeremy Smith

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Ask this man if he wants an Aftershock and he'll whince at the thought and answer in a hybrid Essex/Nottingham accent, "No f*ckin chAnce"..... We first set eyes at Billericay tennis club, woff, ha ha! After our mothers introducing us, Duster and I were lined up for hit. Turning up in my string vest and departing in dads car doing donuts in the car park knew he'd met one crazy lad but our friendhsip went on from there and what happened next was bizarre, but just meant to be! Duster, being a year younger turned up not only at the same University (that I'd been telling him all about) but was posted to the very same halls of residence I'd been at (and raving about) the year before!... but it didn't end there. He was also temporarily sleeping on my ex-girlfriends floor in the new blcok of flats (or so he tells me!). Unbelievably a small world. From there on we had three solid years and got to know his great bunch of mates in my fourth year at uni. Playing tennis together and eventually golf we've always had a competitive battle but when it comes to drinking Duster's stomach churns at the whiff of Aftershock. Again we've crossed paths through life pretty closely and although he's not followed me to Australia, I'm sure he'll be living just around the corner, very soon. Anyway Duster, I can't wait to hit Budapest with ya mate....

Ginger Bear Stag Name: Ginger Bear
Real Name: John Smith

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Tell this man to pump and grind a girl on the dancefloor, his eyes will light up, break into a torid sweat and give the girl a dance she'll never forget.... Ginge. Where do I begin. He's one dirty fingered, dirty mouthed, dirty clothed bear who you'd NEVER leave home without. Although I left him behind he'll hit Australia one day and never want to return! Knowing Ginge virtually all through school we spent plenty of time listening to hardcore music remixes of Sleeping Satellites, playing Street Fighter, eating chunks of garlic bread and home made mince pies, drink driving, hacking at golf and smoking golden Virginia! Winner! We're both level par in being slapped by girls, chewing on rank kebabs and dixie fried pigeons but certainly not level par on the golf course, although rumours have it this may have changed! The list is endless of good times and only the bad times were seeing Ginge sitting in my lounge with man breast out and hands down his shorts watching ANOTHER repeat of the A-Team but Duster has this pleasure now in Kingston, ha ha! Ginge IS an absolute legend and loved by all (well, except for girls on the dance floor) but with a recent clinic checkup has been given the all clear to hit the Eastern European shores and will be in absolute fine form. Winner.

Gonzo Stag Name: Gonzo
Real Name: Simon Lang

Flight Rqd?: Last minute drop out!

He has a huge nose and blue hair but give this man a pair of hand me down track suit bottoms he'll come up with a plan, even Churchill will be perplexed by!... Boy where do I start. Both being totally disorganised and Gonzo tying the knot at an early age saw the Dougal aka C.shorts (amongst other names) moving to Manchester made it difficult to continue the quality early years of hanging out playing EVERY sport under the sun, playing with fire and drinking ourselves into oblivion! Having great family holidays laid great foundation for the social years ahead. The years that we laid were rudimentary. Along with his brother Norm boy, it'll be good to get them both out again and back out on the town, which we once ruled! I'm honored you both can make it out and look foward to not drinking the dirty table wine we consumed and playing fuzzy duck (badly)! Geeze it'll superb to have you out on it again!

Jackanory Stag Name: Jackanory
Real Name: Andy Johnson

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Give this lad a scotch and ask him to tell a story and he'll tell with honor, interest and detail...give this man a bottle of scotch myself and Rhino will need to translate the Scottish slur. We love ya big man! Andy's one primed dirty Scottish Jackanory telling Haggis and girls love his dirty chatter. We hit it off at Manchester University. Living on the same corridor at Hulme Hall, he was the first to hear me being introduced as "Dougal" (as first created by Jim Jam) but we were only spotted in the arly hours of the morning, crawling back to our rooms from either being out all night, striking it lucky or just taking forever to get home! Living together for three years, being on the same course, interogating girls as "twin brothers separated at birth" (putty in our hands) , drank for 72 hours solid without sleep, brewed our own beer the list endless and long may it continue! He joined the air force which has made it difficult to meet up wherever I've been he's always been there. So this time he'll be taking time out from helping to bomb the middle east and hit Budapest guns a blazzin'. So lets keep him off the scotch and on the ground; welcome aboard Flight Lt Johnson, it's gonna be messy you "DIRTY BITCH!"...(said in a Scottish accent).

King Ralph Stag Name: King Ralph
Real Name: Ralph Simpson

Flight Rqd?: Booked, flying from Geurnsey on Saturday

Give him a car to fix, it's buggered (Same goes for Jackanory!), give him an aubergine and it gets salted, give him a banana and the gorilla is swinging, give him a tequila and the King is flying! Su-bloody-peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerb! Lad. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Boy did we have some fun at Mediatel. So many stories. Unbelievable. We've both been through the same trials and tribulations of ex-girlfriends but both have met two fantastic girls. This boy takes tequila slammin' to another level. My drinking antics don't even compare to this lad, but my dancing moves do. We caned our credit cards to the limit each month down at Digress, with happy hour in sight most days, we were always popular with the girls, ha ha, wonder why?! Christams time was always big and luckily enough we start our pre-Christmas adventure in Dubai (along with Bugsy!) before me and V hit the UK shores. His household pet Loggins can't make the stag do but KR is making a concerted effort flying in from his new residency, Guernsey. Lad, it's awesome you can get out to Budapest from Guernsey, the thrown will be setup and eagerly awaiting; to have you on board is just out of this world. Supeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerb!

Llama Stag Name: Llama
Real Name: Dylan Tibbs

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

With the dancing skills of a push me pull me, named Llama for 'cause it's easier to say, also has the drinking skills of a blow fish, the smoking skills of a Tibetten Sherpa and the brain of Einsteins Mentor. Knowing Llama from University had the pleasure of living with him in my final year at uni. With a passion for old skool jungle and gangser rap, Llama introduced me to a whole new world....including meeting the DJ himself DJ Riza, quality! We roamed the streets at night and slept by day. Hearing the honk Bubba in his black taxi cab was always the start to Llamas night. Getting in and out again the good stuff was bought and all set for a good week! Recently moving out of Cambridge ,his home town, has ventured back to the big smoke. This fish will be thirsty and although his smokin days are gone this push me pull will be smokin' all cylinders. Welcome aboard mate, it's gonna be big!

Norm Boy Stag Name: Norm Boy
Real Name: Nick Lang

Flight Rqd?: Last minute drop out!

Once the talk on every Essex girls lips, Norm boy whooed the stilleto heeled wenches frequently back to his padded West Ham cave, but now since getting married at the Boleyn Ground Norm boy has settled down....until this stag weekend. Flying out with Gonzo the duo will add solid depth to our party! Just like our dreams they fade and die but promise to make this dream we'll never forget. With years of seeing me and Gonz grow up, getting us out and in trouble the Norm boy is always one step ahead. On the dance floor, with knees that move faster than a Spud from trainspotting on speed, he'll be whiping the Budapest crowd into a frenzy! Normsky it's an absolute honor you're on board and look forward to many Hungarian bevarages!

Oj Stag Name: Oj
Real Name: Mark Odges

Flight Rqd?: Last minute drop out!

Although Osmand Simpson has nothing to do with odjes, this boy has fled the law a few times unscathed but has been let lose out of the steepest darkest valleys of Wales, frightening! Getting to know this lad through Duster mainly in London has always been a messy affair. Like his mate Wisey, the Welsh know how to party hard and out drink any travelled Irish man I've ever met. He may look fresh faced and young on the outside but the Ant? or Dec? looks are his winning trait. He's always buggered and he'll be well and truly buggered on the stag do, guaranteed. He hates my slogan, living the dream, like most mates do, but I'll make sure I'll be saying this plenty of times in Budapest, ha ha love it. He'll be a late comer but always a pleasure to have Oj on board, never a chore! Champion.

One Eyed Willy Stag Name: One Eyed Willy
Real Name: John Walusimbi

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

With a ball at his feet, a bongo in his hands and at the helm of a boat One Eyed is simply terrorising! One Eyed is the boyfriend of lady V's other half (twin sister Anna). Like A&E, One Eyed has taken me in his samba stride, exuding generosity, crazinees and warmth to another level. He's thrown so many parties it's frightening and each one has been bigger than the one before but with a new job, a new baby, a new flat and a new girlfriend (only joking!) he's cool calm and collect and in true One Eyed style will hopefully make the trip to Budapest. He's had a taste of Aussie life and suits him down to the ground but the nights we had out in Coogee and Bribane with Big A were unforgattable! One Eyed I really hope you can make it, you deserve a holiday, if that's what we call it?!!...

Parker Beans Stag Name: Parker Beans
Real Name: Dave Parker

Flight Rqd?: Booked, Flying out Friday

This lad is always all over it, a true drinking legend and has so much to offer to society. With green monsters a plenty Dave has been a permanent fixture in my last year at university, Essex and London. Quality. Once again Duster's mate from Nottingham and again a small world experience of Dave going to Hulme Hall, without Duster knowing, has the looks of a thunderbird but the wit of Ricky Gervais and Chris Moyles thrown into one. He's no puppet size either. Towering at 6ft 5" he's a gentle giant, a class act and always crazily on hand getting in the fizzy Champagne slammers. As you said I can't wait for this but also when you're over in Aus for the last ashes test in Sydney when me, you and Wisey can talk about the stag do in front of Lardy, ha ha. So hold onto the golden backless Nikes we'll be well and truly all over this!

Rhino Stag Name:Rhino
Real Name: John Campbell

Flight Rqd?: Last minute drop out!

Rhinoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Hippoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Just about sums it up in two words! Another quality lad, prized out from University, this lad is the true definition of Rhinoceros. He makes Rhinos roaming the arid lands of South Africa look tame. He's unique in every way. Another Hulme Hall creation we also hit it off straight away. Probably the first broad acented northern lad I'd met was unbelievable how charged this lad was. Bouncing around in Manc land we had a ball, as well as some downers, but he's got a heart of true gold. Although the Rhino has been tamed by his recent meeting of Riperoo (ex-bouncer from Preston!) his hooves will be clipped and horn sharpened and polished for this momentous occasion. He'll be in absolute fine form too, Rhino, once again we'll have more stories to tell but we'll leave Jackonary to tell those..zzzzz. Super, lovely smashing ,great. We'll have a ball, ding dang do! [p.s If you're not from Lancashire you live wrong side 'o Pennines!

Wisey Stag Name: Wisey
Real Name: Wisey

Flight Rqd?: Last minute drop out!

Mistaken identity, Stevie Gerrard, Wisey is the coolest Welsh boy you'll ever meet (ha ha sorry Oj!). The days of wearing Burberry have suprpassed and the Sol Crew diminished but Wisey has moved onto bigger and brighter things now. Mining. With so many stories to tell, Wisey can make dull stories a joy to hear. Telling mining stories you would think be painful to hear but adds a Welsh twist to them all. As the night wears on the Welsh cocktail drinks get darker and his voice begins to fail. By the end of the night not only is gravel still the subject but theb oy seems to have swollowed half a bag too. Wisey glad you're coming out with Oj and yes you'll probably see me dressed up like a tw*t for the grand finale. Nice one mate!

Zomp Stag Name: Zomp
Real Name: Zane Cahill

Flight Rqd?: Booked!

Give this man a choice of cars ranging from a Merc Benz , BMW or an Escort XR3i with lowered suspension, UV lights, blacked out windows and furry dice, he'd take this every time (although he now drives a smart car for tax purposes)! Zomp by name, Zomp by nature. Zomp has taken over Zane's life and almost eaten him! This young entrepreneur has taken time out from his fast paced company to join us in Budapest, an area that he knows particularly well and will be vital to underground knowledge! Meeting Zane at University (funnily enough went to Duster and Dieders school in Brentwood) has been an absolute pleasure. Being a year younger and a foot smaller Zane is full of fire and ideas. With his boyish good looks which bode him well with the girls (and boys, ha ha, only joking!) he's always amongst the party and getting the female attention. University life with Zane started on year out and has never dried out since moving back to Essex and living in London. He's a man of power and knowledge and will be looking for quick business in Budapest. I know Zane will be gunning for this trip and good for him to let the Zomp business go for a few days. Remember, don't be chatting to any Scouse girls in hotpants now, as we know what happened last time!

Apologies from: Big A (Firthy not Filthy!), DJ Riza (Riza), Towny (Mark Town), Noj (Jon) and Banana Boy (Wattsy), The Artful Dodger and Gwayne Dibbley

Sydney: Sat 7th April 2007

Lets play Bowls! End of a long night Ladies!

With one stag do under my belt in Europe it's time to have one in Sydney, Australia!

Starting with lawn bowls at Coogee Bowling Club (sounds dull but it's not!!), Jon aka Weights and measures delivered a Sumo French maids outfit for me to wear for the day. Tentatively wearing jeans and t-shirt underneath we bowled and drank from 2-4.30pm. With a bbq on the agenda we lined our stomachs for more intensive drinking ahead! Heading down to Durty Nelly's in Paddington, a few girls latched onto our group and the Guinness and brandy flowed till closing time, midnight. From there we stumbled all over 100 yards onto a 24 hour pub - dangerous! Eventually making it home back to W&M's on little sleep I had to get up to manage the Cat's football team - with little help from me they lost 11 - 0!!!

London: Sun 6th May 2007

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With two stag do's now under my belt this is my thrid and final one. With only a week left till the wedding day, the dog had to steer clear of trouble......

With 12 stagmites out, I was honored to have the precense of Father Smith and father Guppy! Meeting at the Punch & Judy in Covent Garden at 3pm, a few of us still had hangovers from the Cat's 30th Birthday the night before!! Since finding a taste for Bitter, the pints were flowing and going down exceptionally well! Moving onto Henry's bar (last time the Dog was there was after The London Marathon, downing shots and catapillering on the floor!). At around 7pm we hobbled down the road to Walkabout nighclub! The sambucca's flowed and the father's sensibly left promptly to travel back to Essex and Portsmouth. With a late arrival of Llama we drank even harder and continued into the night at Langleys.....there was a moment of madness and the dog was thrown out - followed by Andy, Zane and Wardy we went on the hunt for food in the early hours of the morning. Covering most of the West end we found a Chinese restaurant open. Ordering GBP18 per head menu, we ate a crispy fried seaweed, swigged a GBP4.20 small glass of beer and headed back to Tooting Bec....(although Scottish Andy caught the first train back to Swindon reday for house hunting at 11am...).....messy.

Monday was a write off....